Saturday May 18, 2019

Psalm 12:5 “Because the poor are despoiled, because the needy groan, I will now rise up,” says the Lord; “I will place them in the safety for which they long.”

This morning was wonderful and peaceful in so many ways. Jeff and I got up and had breakfast just the two of us since he had to be at the field for the tournament early. I dropped him off at the field and then headed back to the hotel to take the kids to their breakfast and then to the pool (they swam and I did yoga). The kids really were awesome this morning and it was the first time I felt that I was able to relax since we left Brasov. We had a less than peaceful drive to Bucharest and then trying to navigate this new place with fast and aggressive drivers, relaxation was not the feeling that comes to mind. But this morning, the kids played and got along with each other, they were even aware and respectful of the gentleman swimming laps in the pool without my intervention; it was beautiful. I enjoyed my yoga vitality practice. Unfortunately, the peace was fleeting, but here are some pictures of the blissful parts.

I finished my yoga and the kids were done swimming at almost the exact same time, which I thought was perfect. I didn’t even have to drag them out of the pool. We got upstairs and I shooed two of the kids into the showers so we could go and watch Jeff’s final game. But our lack of conditioner caused a bit of drama, so I hurried to the store for some better hair products and all was well. Everyone got cleaned and fed with the leftovers from last night (only a mild tantrum about not wanting their leftovers, but that was side-stepped nicely with the help of Lucia). I felt like at any moment a bomb was going to go off right next to me, but it didn’t. We got to enjoy one of Jeff’s games and then learned that he still had one more. The kids were never going to make it, so I drove them back to the hotel to watch TV while I went back to the field to watch the final game (3 total round trips from the hotel to the field).

All this driving back and forth is like a double-edged sword. I am reminded of my dislike for big cities with lots of traffic but I am loving driving a manual transmission. I drove a stick for so long and it makes driving so much more enjoyable. I made it back to the field in time for his last game of the day. I will admit I was not 100% present in the moment. As I was waiting for the game to start and the teams to warm-up I decided to get a bit of studying/reading done, but I had a hard time putting it down when the game did start. I would go back and forth between reading and watching the game, but it was very relaxing to do this without any kids around interrupting me. After the game, we headed home and then out to dinner.

We ate at Hanu’ lui Manuc, which served traditional Romanian food in an open-air courtyard. The ambiance was so fun, but the company of my children was not the greatest. They were tired and it was getting late (we didn’t get there until 7:00 and by the time we finally were able to pay and leave it was close to 9:30).

I really have no idea how to relate this scripture to today, so I am not going to try. What I will say is that Bucharest is a really beautiful city, rich in history, plentiful parks and green space, and lots to see and do, but I realized today that this is not what I love about traveling. I love meeting the people and living amongst them. I also know, with absolute certainty, that I am not relaxed in a big city. We have only been gone for 24 hours and I am already missing Brasov; it is so quite and calm in comparison to Bucharest. I don’t like feeling this stressed and overwhelmed with the sheer number of people crammed into such a confined space. So again, God has provided me with a wonderful lesson, I don’t need to see the beautiful touristy sights around the world, actually I am rarely happy and relaxed in these environments, but rather the best part about our travels is living and becoming part of these communities; it is the people not the places that I want to experience.

Tuesday May 14, 2019

Exodus 17:12 But Moses’ hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the sun set.

I honestly could not think of how to relate this scripture reading to the crazy day that occurred, but as I read the scripture before this passage, I understood immediately. So here it is:

Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some men for us and go out, fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.” So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed; and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the sun set. And Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the sword. (Exodus 17:9-13)

Let me start with the day today. I woke up to an email this morning from the apartment complex we were hoping to rent upon our return to Madison apologizing for missing the fact that there were 5 of us (which was clearly listed on the application), but they could not rent to us because we exceeded their occupancy rate. So now we are back to square one. We really wanted to get the kids back into the same school, but honestly after this morning, I am not very confident with this plan. There are very few 3 bedroom apartments in the area and the ones that are there are really expensive, well above our budget. So I reached out to our neighborhood to see if anyone knew of a house for rent starting August 1. I put my phone down and didn’t look at it again for a while.

Jeff headed to the hospital while I stayed with the kids and had them complete an assessment to gauge where they were with their common core standards. We all were pleased to see that all 3 children were testing well above their grade level and all had improved from the beginning of this journey. It was definitely a win for everyone, because the homeschooling aspect of this year has been exhausting for all of us! The kids have all agreed to do a small amount of math practice each day, as well as reading (which is never a problem because they all get lost in books easily!). A definite win in my book–official school for the Hayes kids is done!!

Jeff got home from the hospital and I would love to say that we had a pretty mellow afternoon, which everyone did but me. My day was full of ups and then downs and then ups again. It was an exhausting rollercoaster. I completed my yoga practice and while trying to catch my breath again I snuck a peek at my phone and found that I had several comments on my post about an apartment, one that was a listing on Craigslist that would be just what we wanted–a 3 bedroom in our price range and in the same school boundaries! I was thrilled. I messaged him back and after a bit of back and forth, disappointment again….they needed a renter now and can’t wait until an Aug 1 lease. Sigh……Back to the drawing board again.

I am finding it so hard to not get overly excited at each and every opportunity to pin down our future, but I am regularly finding that by doing this I am also experiencing regular disappointment, which is only making the anxiety and uncertainty worse. Thankfully I have Jeff to help keep my arms up and to regularly remind me that God has a plan for us and that this is all part of it. We may not be able to see it now, but He is fighting for us and He is preparing a way, we just have to be patient and trust in Him. I am so grateful for his reminders (and I am needing them much more often recently), but without fail, Jeff is there to prop me up on a rock and hold up my arms. I am not in this journey alone. I have a wonderful husband to help me find my faith in God and show me how to trust in His ways. Just like this scripture, we all need people around us to support us and sometimes hold us up when we are weak, but that is part of being a child of God; we are all in this together and need each other every day as we live out our faith in God.

Monday May 6, 2019

Psalm 119:169 Let my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word.

I had the hospital shift today and there were 5 of us for 2 children on one floor and 3 children on the other. So we divided ourselves up amongst the two floors. It was a very quiet shift, but still very rewarding, as it usually is. I mean really, snuggling babies is such a wonderful way to spend a morning.

Today was also the first day of my 108 day yoga challenge. I started this particular yoga program (The Ultimate Yogi) several years ago and have continued my practice through the years, though not as consistent as I would have liked. I was so excited to hear that there was a challenge that starts today and so I joined up on Facebook. This is a way to keep me accountable in making sure I get my yoga and meditation in every day. I am ready for the challenge. I started my day today with the ab workout and then did the flow practice when I got home from the hospital.

After that was done Jeff and I headed out to mail a package to our family back in India on the mission. We sponsor a child there and his birthday is next week. I really wish we could have sent this off sooner to ensure it gets there by his birthday, but it just didn’t happen. I really enjoyed this walk with Jeff, just the two of us. I feel that we have had a shift in our relationship, we now have more time to just be together without the children. Our kids have gotten to the age that we are able to leave them alone for an hour or two, which affords us the chance to just be together and have adult conversations without the input from little ones. I am cherishing these moments because it almost feels like we are dating again. I guess I am just realizing that we are entering a new chapter in our relationship and in our family. I know there will be a time when I miss my children being around, but for the moment I am enjoying the times that they aren’t!

I still haven’t heard anything on any of the various jobs I have applied to, which is a bit discouraging, but I guess this is where today’s scripture comes into play. Without even knowing it, this has been my prayer for a while now, asking God to give me “understanding according to His word”. He has a plan, I just don’t know what it is yet. But after this weekend and the conversations that Jeff and I have had (alone!) we have decided that it would be beneficial for me to acquire my license to practice social work in Wisconsin. So I was able to get my application submitted and the process started today. I am hopeful that within the next 3 months or so I will be a licensed social worker, which will open up many more job opportunities to me.

Saturday May 4, 2019

Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace

Today was such a wonderful day. We all woke up, had a nice breakfast and then headed into town to see the art fair and to acquire that last few things we needed for the box to India (thankfully we found everything we were looking for).

The kids were tired and wanted to go home, so for the first time ever, we walked them to the street leading up to our apartment and they walked home by themselves while Jeff and I headed into town for some lunch.

We ended up eating at La Ceaun right on the square. This was such a wonderful afternoon of sitting outside, getting rained on, and drinking wine (beer for Jeff). We talked for hours as we sipped our drinks and believe it or not we finally agreed that going back to Madison is the best decision at this moment. God has not led us anywhere else, so why are we stressing about trying to make a new plan? We also agreed that I needed to acquire my Social Work license for Wisconsin because it will open up many more job opportunities. I can’t even begin to tell you how much better we both felt after we made this commitment. We have been waiting on a job to tell us where to go, instead of following what was planned all along. We both sat back and, for the first time in a while, relaxed. We had a plan, a direction, a path and if God wanted to change it He would and we would listen, but for now, this is it! Now comes the leg work of getting my license and the us finding an apartment and a job for Jeff.

The only problem was that when we stood up to leave, the four glasses of wine I had hit me really hard. I realized quickly that I had had too much! I felt so irresponsible. By the time we got home I went straight to bed, while Jeff and Anjali headed out to play ultimate frisbee David helped manage both himself and Lucia. I could not believe that I did that, I guess I let it get away from me because I was so relieved to have a plan for after this year. I still make poor choices as adult, thankfully not as often as I did when I was younger!

Friday May 3, 2019

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.

We did some school this morning and while I was getting ready for my hospital shift this afternoon Jeff took David to get his haircut and then they were going to run a few errands to pick up the last items for our box to India.

I had the hospital shift this afternoon. It was a very relaxed shift with only a few babies to snuggle, which worked out well for me and Ann. I really just love coming to the hospital and spending time with these children. They blossom and come alive when we are there and it is so heartwarming. I can tell that it is going to be very hard to leave here, but it will help that they have had several new Romanian students come forward to volunteer. This is great for the FFR program because they are building a local group of young adults that are bringing in new friends to help.

It was a bit of a crazy afternoon for Jeff. We had planned for the kids downstairs to come and watch a movie this evening and Anjali was heading off to teen night at the church, but there was some difficulty in the 5 kids selecting a movie (weird, huh!) After several messages back and forth with Jeff, I guess the kids decided to watch the LEGO movie and watch it downstairs. Amy was so sweet and told us to enjoy the hour without kids, so we sat upstairs with some wine and talked about what our plan should be when this year is done. We are not any closer to a decision, but I guess talking about it is a start.

Given what Jeff and I were discussing this evening, I guess we were right on cue with the scripture. Neither one of is ready to make a decision yet, nor do we feel called in one direction or another, but doing this together is much better. This whole journey has been us making decisions together. When we do this one may see something or hear something that the other doesn’t and it opens more doors and opportunities to hearing God’s call.

Sunday April 28, 2019

Isaiah 30:21 And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

Happy Orthodox Easter! This is so weird to be celebrating Christ’s resurrection again, but we are embracing it. I guess in reality we need to be celebrating this event every single day, because every day is a celebration of Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection.

Jeff took the family to church this morning, but I was still feeling pretty tired after the last 2 days. I stayed in bed and rested, which gave me an opportunity to do some more job searches. I am excited to have found several possibilities, but am worried that I will continue to run into the problem that I haven’t worked for the last 12 years, so my job experience is quite out-dated. I know that I have a great work ethic and I will do my very best in any position that I acquire, but I need someone to take a chance on me and give me the opportunity to prove my abilities.

This scripture is a wonderful reminder of God’s plan for me, as long as I am willing to listen to that voice behind me saying “This is the way; walk in it”. So I have made a decision to apply for all jobs that fall in line with my experience and passions, and trust in the Lord to show me the way; He will guide me. This does make me a bit nervous because some of these jobs are not in Madison and some not even in the States. But I have faith that God will place us where we need to be.

Yesterday at the grocery store we picked up some Romanian seasoned pork to grill. I am not sure what “Romanian seasoned pork” actually is, but I do know it tastes wonderful. We had a great meal together as a family and finished the evening with a game of Exploding Kittens.

Thursday April 11, 2019

1 John 5:15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have obtained the requests made of him.

Today Jeff and I both were able to help the David and Lucia with school because we were in charge of the afternoon shift and had a free morning. Anjali was invited by Steffi to help out with the Kid’s Club in Budila, so she left with Katie at 9:20 this morning and didn’t get home until about 2:30. We were invited to a music appreciation class this afternoon, it is a 2-hour group where the kids learn about different composers and instruments. Lucia was totally game for this and seemed to enjoy herself, but David was not interested in the least and actually chose to do more schoolwork at home. So he busted out a ton of work just so that he didn’t have to be around kids that he didn’t know. I was really hoping that he would have gained more confidence over this year, and he has, but he is still just as shy as ever. He is still almost paralyzed by fear or uncertainty when confronted with new people and a new situation. I guess the best Jeff and I can do is to keep offering opportunities for him to step outside his comfort zone to try new things and to learn that putting yourself out there can be freeing and amazing. I do hope that one day he will learn how to talk with new people comfortably because he is such a neat person and has so much to offer a conversation.

I had a wonderful time during my shift, but I can’t even begin to share the level of heartbreak I experience when I have to say goodbye to these children. I just want to stay longer, but if I do that, I will miss out on my own children. I have had to learn that balance is key. As much as I want to give these children all the love they deserve, I also have to remember my own children need me too. I know that there have been times here where I have lost track of that, assuming my children don’t need me there, but when I get home, I am surprised by how much they missed me. I know they understand why I have been gone, but I need to be aware of how much they still need me. In loving others I need to be sure to not lose sight of my own children and making sure that I am also meeting their needs. I am not sure what has sparked this train of thought, but I guess a good way to go from here is end in a prayer, since according to the scripture above, I know God hears my prayers and that He always delivers a response and will always be there to guide and direct me.

Dear Lord, please help me to give all the love I have to the children I am caring for at the hospital, but please also help me to balance their needs with the needs of my own children. I don’t want to look past them as I seek to help others. You have shown me time and time again that I always have you as my guide, so I am asking you to continue to guide me so that I can be everything you need me to be and to be your hands in our world, so that I leave all I meet with a sense of your love for them. In your name I pray, Amen.