Saturday April 6, 2019

2 Corinthians 4:8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair

We had a great opportunity to join a “house party” with our neighbors this morning. The house in which we are staying is actually four different apartments. Our neighbors downstairs are a wonderful family with four children with whom our kids have made a quick friendship.  They seemingly have not stopped playing outside since we first arrived. We are in the middle apartment and on the top floor are two one-bedroom apartments for two long-term FFR volunteers, Katie and Calah. So our brunch this morning was truly a “house party”, everyone in the house came together for fellowship and food. What a wonderful start to our day.

Afterwards we walked with the kids to Coresi Mall for some new shoes for David and Lucia. Jeff made the comment during our 40 minute walk that he was really wanting to enjoy the beautiful day by grilling outside and he was hoping to find a small grill at the mall. It was a successful afternoon of shopping; new shoes for David and Lucia and a new grill for dad! Our last stop for the day was to the grocery store for some charcoal and our meat for dinner.

It was such a beautiful day, and not just the amazing weather! Though I am still plowing through this internal struggle for control, I am finding that I am consciously reminding myself to let go. It hasn’t happened yet, but I am hopeful that the constant reminder from scripture, from Jeff, and through prayer I will get there. As Jeff and I were talking (after putting the kids to bed), I read today’s scripture and just had to laugh out loud. Paul is reminding us that by following God we do not eliminate afflictions or trials, but rather that we will not be destroyed by them. This was comical given the fact that Jeff had just made the brilliant point that I am a list maker who desires to be able to check off completed tasks and that most of my frustration/anxiety/fear/uncertainty (call it what you will) is caused by the fact that God hasn’t given me my new “list” yet. This too made me laugh because it could not be more true. I realized that in my head this journey was a 12-month journey and I have checked off August, September, October, November, December, January, February, and March already, but am getting antsy for the new list because all that is left on my first list is April, May, and June! But of course my husband politely and gently reminded me that God did not give us the timeframe of 12 months, we did and for now God still needs us to finish our tasks of April, May, and June before we can move on to the next. I love my husband so much and I am still amazed that there are many times that he knows me better than I do. This was very obvious to him and I am sure he has even said this to me before now, but this time it actually made sense. I love these conversations I get to have with him because he is always challenging me to see things from a different perspective. His faith in God is so amazing and I love that we are on this journey together. I can remember sitting back in our house in Madison, Wisconsin having a similar conversation with him, but that time our roles were reversed! God has brought us together to strengthen each other during the times we are weak and I am amazed how much we are able to balance each other; when one is struggling the other is standing firm in their faith. “Faith and doubt aren’t opposites: they are, it turns out, excellent dance partners.” (Rob Bell, What We Talk About When We Talk About God). So I guess Jeff and I are just dancing our hearts out throughout this journey and I hope and pray that it continues for the rest of our lives.

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