Monday April 1, 2019

James 1:3-4 because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.

Yesterday a door that was previously closed seemed to be reopened and it left me feeling very uncertain. If this door remained open, could I follow it? Did I have the strength, the courage, the desire, etc? I went to bed last night and woke up this morning with that uncertainty pulsing through my body. I had no idea how I was going to sift through all of this and come to an answer, so I did the only thing I could do…I prayed. I prayed on my walk to the hospital while I listened to my music. I was taken aback by one of the songs that played and it seemed to give me some encouragement and hope that God would show me the way and guide me down the path where He needed me.

I had been at the hospital for about 2 hours when Jeff texted me this scripture. Jeff, knowing my internal conflict, thought it might help, when actually I just wanted to scream. Don’t get me wrong, it was extremely helpful and encouraging knowing that God puts trials and hardships, as well as hills for us to climb because He knows these challenges make us stronger in faith and closer to Him. I think the reason I wanted to scream was because I have been feeling so tired with all the different prospects of our future that I just didn’t feel the fortitude to take this on right now and when I read this scripture I knew what I had to do, I just didn’t want to. But that feeling quickly dissipated and I was blessed with the strength and the endurance to do just what God needed me to do. This was a huge relief because I now see how much I am capable of doing when I have God leading the way.

But Jesus looked at them and said, “For mortals it is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Our kids were having a pretty good day and had gotten a lot of school work done, so I headed back to the hospital for the last hour of the afternoon shift. It was wonderful to be with the children at the hospital at the end of the day. I made it back to the house for dinner and to spend the rest of the evening with my family.

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